Monday, November 05, 2018
Sunday, October 28, 2018
Monday, October 22, 2018
Sunday, October 21, 2018
Dear C. Your'e too quick for me! Keeping me on my toes eh? Very good ! Here we go! One, two, three, jump! No, I didn't see the silly picture of Charlie Chester marrying an 81 year old chinaman. No you haven't told me about heem, did he pong when he should have pinged? Ed seems to have called off his dragnet of the area in search of his disc, but better safe than sorry, that's what I always say! I don't want him to saw my ears off and poke a dead hedgehog down my throat now do I? Have you heard anything from Museli Brittania yet? Fancy going for a drink with Bob to cheer your friend up! Now that is silly! I've written a letter to Dave ( though against my better judgement ) and included the sentnce as requested. Please send my cut from eventual sale to the usual address. I like the drawing of the families! Ho Ho! here's one of the Crofters.
Friday, October 19, 2018
Hellow Sailor, Seems as if we are crossing our moorings matey, ahaaargh! Lyne and Dinah's job doesn't involve typing at all or any kind of paper work as far as I can make out. All they do is look for books in a huge library, but they must be blind folded and with a ball and chain, so it does make it a bit tricky! It's pretty boring they tell me, and most of the people only work there a few weeks then vanish! (made into mummy's most likely !) Mind you, the job does have it's perks, like postcards are only 2p instead of 3p! ( They sent me one of a nice Japanese landscape today )and you occasionally get a glimpse of some nice old books. Yes, I saw that new hardback edition of the Monty P's B.R.B. today in the crummy little book shop in Brentwood.I didn't have any money to buy it though as I'd just spent my last pennies on food and the "Roxy Music" LP and new needle for my wind up gramaphone. There's a book of Goon Show Scipts out soon I think. No I haven't sold my Singing Dogs. It's the best record of singing dogs I have so it's quite precious to me. I'm trying to get hold of a record of tap dancing pygmy shrews - don't know anybody who's got one do you? A record I mean , not a pygmy shrew! Your little excursion up the Limpopo does sound rather fun, it reminds me of the Eric Sykes Show a couple of weeks ago, or Carry On Up The Grand Union! I hate supermarket, I always try and shop at the little back street grocers - you know "Sainsburys" and "Woolworths". At least they don't have somebody impersonating the New Seekers or Middle Of The Road concealed behind the frozen peas! Our milk lady is revoltin' too! There's about 20 empty bottles on the doorstep and she refuses to take them away! Perhaps she doesn't like the smell of stale beer? I like velly much de fish an chip an de vunny improbable monkey. Yours. Looie Canvas
Thursday, October 18, 2018
Dear Silly you's, fancy thinkin' that drawing was of you and Sealegs when really it was a pigment of my imagination, a slight resemblence I grant yoVen ish yourn ( yawn ) boppin' day o huge one? Ven wilt thou hast baty don le jollie maison due Cleverclogs Claire? Yes, the film was quite goot. It was James ( legend in his own time ) Dean and Lizzie taylor and Hud Rockson in GIANT. James Dean's little methods acting bits were good and the rest was real turdy. Good cartoon on wiv it, with Speedy Gonzales, the fastest mouse in all Mehico! Yaribaa! Yareeba!u but above (*) is a real artist's impression! Thank you for yo' letter o most prolific one. I cannot tell you how it duth delighteth me! My beamish face a lighteth with just one sleepy glipse of suth a lether, thorly ith it a vork ov ein enthantresh? A spock smock? I do nut undershdand?! I like the enclosures velly mush. Shpeshly de strangsh animalsh on de ballanshin head! Is dish de sausage cow? Riding in Bill's van is quite an experience as it's all empty and freezin' cold in the back. You have to sit on the bits that the wheels go in, and there's a metal grill between you and the driver so it's like a "Paddy Wagon" also. Corse i won't have to teach silly! Who'd give a scruffy 'erbert like me a job?! Get the kiddies into bad habits! I'm applying for this part time job at Ingatestone Secondary School at the moment. It keeps the Social Security people happy that's all. What horrid Beverly Sisters song could it be I wonder? Not "Sisters" ? or "Got to have money in the bank Frank"? "Mary's Boy Child"? Your dad has better luck than me gutter sniping. I wish I could find half peas. (1) I had no exclaimation to give. Confused, without pluss (2) A light with high vocabulary. Arking light. Light acting? It's poetry appreciation time - Yesterday I did my washing..... And hung it on the line... The sun was shining brightly....But will it dry in time? I had no money for a laundramat....so filled the bath with water.....And soaked my bigs and smalls,,, Just Like a good boy oughta. ( marked one out of ten ) I like the envelope with primitive type, trees floating as if suspended by sellotape in the air! It was nice to see you all on Sunday - you should get Dave to come over more often and stay longer! I put up another shelf to accomodate my increasing library. It took 2 hours! I'm not very good at carpenting, especially things as awkward as shelves. But now it's given me much more space , things were beginning to pile up around me, choking me to death! Aaarrrrgh! I come over all funny! I re-hung some of the pictures too. Taking down some old ones and putting new ones up. Makes a change. Lynne is making a pair of jeans but she thinks they are going to be flared like looners, she wants drainpipes! She's a bit set in her ways , poor girl. Ed beat up another kitchen porter who threw a cup of tea over him, he leaves Fords at the end of the month. Bill is once again working in his stew dew next door to popsters. He said he p---ed in Steve Marriot's head as he passed his window. he also said that the bloke who is buried outside ( his church hall) comes to haunt him in the shape of a dulux Emulsion can! Bill says all kinds of things. Bill is my friend. Lynne has just sewn her legs togther! I made a cheese flan last night. Unfortunately I baked the pastry "blind" as suggested. But put it out the window instead of in the oven! Enclosed are some examples of my great skill as a photographer. Don't keep them in the daylight for too long! Blessings and peace. Johnny Maestro and His Shuffling Hungarians.
D &C, Dears, It's raining here - split splat! and the weathers not too good either. I'm listening to a nature programme now on the radio with noises supplied by kestrels, falcon and owls. They all sound like chickens to me! Talking of kestrels , we went to se "Kes" at Basildon Arts Centre last night - a really nice film. Went for a FREE Itaiano Comoncheroa Spaghettio Expensivo last night under the wing of Lynne's rich playboy brother in Brentwood ( no not Naples!) Very boring is all this pasta and stuff and filling! Lynne's brother's girlfriend was being rather rude to waiter, shouting out orders in French and Spanish. Luckily he was bio-logical and understood and gave us grins that could kill. This is how I write a letter R.S.V.P. I got a letter from Philip today who I thought had wasted away and living in West Indies or summat. But he is apparently living in a disused tin mine in Bingle-Bangle. Wingle wangled a day off today so I can study the rain and make lightening thumbnail sketches as they come down. Anyhoo I must be toodling off now and do some work, mein kanf! vot is dat? Bonus knockers mon enfants, Michael
Wednesday, October 17, 2018
Dear Keeper of manuscripts and fellow bookbinders anonymous, I shall be up the metrollops on Thursday to the R.A. exhibition of Rossetti Bolognese the famous pasta impersonator and anything' else interestin'. Barry will probably let Dave know about our lunch time rendezvous. I don't think I'll have time to visit the B.M. though, drat! I've just lent Ed a quid - fooled again! Lynne and Dinah are playing truant from work . Tired of London, Ed has stayed here a couple of days amongst the squalor of his past. He, Bill and I collected huge rotted logs from a nice wood near Doddinghurst. An old woman told us off for trespassing on Forestry Commission land , but after Bill and Ed did their "ever so 'umble" act she went away with obvious astonishment at the ruffians courteous apollyloggies. Last night we played a strenuous football game ( like you see in pubs, or slot machine places ) at Lynne's brothers. I lost every match. Not surprising really , with their puppy Pooch doing rude things to my leg! Ah sure am hungry. My tummy's beating out a navel tattoo! Think I'll got to Ken's now and get me some black eyed peas an' chittlins! Bill's had a crew cut again and left most of his wig spread out on my exotic eastern carpet. Ed did the honours. I meant to bring dose racks de Clogs last weekend but one came unstuck. I'll give dem next time, perhaps if you come here? See you Dave, I mean Michael.
dear C. What a lovely day it is, likes the first day of Springe - Boinnng! Did you see "Up Sunday" last night? It was quite funny with some Woman's Institute choir singing Wordsworth's "Daffodils"! and zany Kenny Everett being zany as usual. I came back to Pilgrim's Hatch today and found some wood in my room! I think somebody wants me to make something maybe? Enclosed is a carte le malade pour le Clare de looner. I hope she is back to edam squatting and hand jiving like the best of 'em soon. Your double act would have livened up that dull pardy no end I think. Ed had gone off on his motorbike never to return, we couldn't be that lucky! He'll probably be back for tea with his head all dented in. A method of bringing a disobedient spirit into subjection. Make a fire of drye cowturds and such like stinking stuffe, and write the spirits name in virgine parchment - then burne it, saying the curse following ( After a conjuration ) Izzy wizzy - let's get busy! I had some of Bill's "Butterbean Surprise" for dinner.Wow! was I! I've got a sore froat from sleeping in dave's air conditioned sittin' room. No wonder I keep missing my last bus. The last bus is at 9.20 ! Ridicklemus! I remember now, I haven't read the "Tin Drum" at all, just the first few pages. I found it hard to get into, because it's so small I suppose - they really should make these paperbacks bigger! Then I could use it as a tent when I go hiking and reading tour of South Benfleet. I shall try and read it again. "Look George!" I said, "I really can't help it if your blessed fire goes out, after all you are burning wire and nails on it!" Must dash to catch the postman and wallop his glateus maximus. Ooooh! Yourn, Littel Anthony and the Mint Imperials.